he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
