I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
