Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
