I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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