she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
