Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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