it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
