I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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