Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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