Duck Duck Cougar?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize
