I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You're like the curious george of whores
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
