I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
