Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
one two three fourrrrnication!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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