I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
