So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
