Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize