Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
