I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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