I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
