Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
