I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am never drinking with the goths again.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
