Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
