i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
