yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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