Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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