the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
