Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
