I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
