She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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