i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
