You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my being single is dangerous.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
