I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
