I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
