I love black thongs
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
