you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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