Whod you bang
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
