She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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