i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
