I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
