you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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