dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
