your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
