I'd wear matching sweaters with you
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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