Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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