How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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