Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I want a musical about memes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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