HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
