oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize