Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
