Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
