I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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