Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
