so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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