I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
