Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ugly people sure do ruin things
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
