I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
