4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
