someone get that fucking seahorse.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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