yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize