I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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