summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want her autograph on my taint
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
