I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
