he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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