i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
