Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
