someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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