Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
