The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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