A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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