the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize