I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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