My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
