You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
