Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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