Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
