im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
