The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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