that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
