I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
