My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
